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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Netpix--How Portia D. would tell the story

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Here's how Portia D. sees the movies that you love...




BLAXWAN: Rated R




Portia D. as Nena


Audience: For those who can handle very disturbing story lines.





Synopsis: An innocent girl slowly goes crazy because of a gas leak in her mother's appartment.






She begins to hallucinate about being a ballerina in Swan Lake, a lesbian, and even a murderer, until in her delusions she finally turns into an actual swan and kills herself... wait, isn't that what happened in Black Swan?



Our Rating: 5 out of 5 and you should have won an Oscar



Coming Soon: Breaking Dusk: The Twinight Saga: Rated PG13

LizBeth as Sadie. Derris Montgomery as Jack


Audience: For the really sappy and melodramatic




Synopsis: A very plain and boring girl gets knocked up by a really pale overprotective boy that she's deluded herself into thinking is a vampire.



Some other stuff happens. There's a really hot guy, literally, his skin's on fire. Long story short, every one lives happily ever after... forever, and we all want to barf repeated.

Our Rating: 2.9 out of 5





 
The Moleskin: An Epic Tale of Hipster Love: Rated R


Left to Right: Derris Montgomery, Portia D.


Audience: For the more sensitive type



Synopsis: This is just some real sad stuff. Two hipsters spot each other at a Vintage shop and instantly fall in love. Their epic love tale is written in a Moleskin so that the man can tell his wife their story, even though she will never remember. That's hipster irony.


Our Rating: 4.97 out of 5



DECEPTION SOUNDTRACK: Rated Awesome

 

Yvon Dion as The Don


Synopsis: Quite possibly the most boss soundtrack in the history of soundtracks.

Our Rating: 17 out of 5. Should have won an OSCAR! We are so pissed.




Credit

Photographers in order of appearance: Yvon Dion, Portia D., LizBeth, and Christopher Ott
Makeup: Poria D., Yvon Dion, LizBeth, Derris Montgomery
Makeup: Mac, Mary Kay, Neutrogena, Urban Decay, LA Colors



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