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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Introducing: The Turn up Survival Kit

***Caution/WARNING: This post is for those who aren't afraid/know how to read... if you don't well... damn, that's just sad***

DOUBLE WARNING-This product has been banned in 6 continents, but through a one time offer has become available for purchase online.

For #turnuptuesday we have something special for all the thots, ratchets and general turnup population!

The Turnup Survival Kit!
Just because you turn up, doesn't mean you gotta look tore up!

A product of Thotgear inc.

What the kit provides:

#1 Scrunchie

For when you hair goes from looking like this...

...To this 

#2 Cute flats

Preferably TOMS (or FOMS/Fake TOMS) or Vans. They slip on easy, perfect for those who can barely stand upright, even better for those already unconscious!

#3 Shades

As dark as possible, to hide the red eyes and unfocused gaze

Go from this:
To this: 

... Even if you're actually sleeping 

#4 A mans plaid shirt: 

(For the ladies) to wrap around your waist because you've surely exposed your ass to the world at large in your sausage dress by now. (For the fellas) as an extra shirt, because you've no doubt lost it somewhere in the pursuit of sex. And cuz you probably sweated out your last shirt.

#5 Backpack

To hold it all inside, cuz a clutch will just get lost and you know it, and there aren't enough baggy pockets in the world!

If that doesn't convince you, check out this testimonial from a *real life customer!

"I used to be a serious Thot, and everybody knew it, until I got the Turnup Survival Kit! Now I'm still a Thot, but the only one who knows it is me... And my baby daddies :)"

*This is not from a real customer

There ya have it folks, don't be this chick next time you feel like turning up! 

Order NOW! 

5 easy payments of $99.99 (if you think that's too high, think about the price of getting your lock recored, replacing keys and IDs, canceling bank cards, and the unrelenting humiliation of being "that stank bitch")
Now accepting lay-away plans and food stamps!

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